Sam Dickson

​

Advice to the Effort Deficient

​

To the idle and sluggish, my comrades in indolence,

the lethargic, slothful slackers.

Simply put, to the lazy.

To produce the best results in our efforts to mitigate our work

and to avoid the judgments

of our intrinsically motivated peers, I offer eight maxims:

May any lack of substance or integrity stand as a testament

to my place amongst you.

First, keep in mind your locale.

The more familiar the better, but for the more energetic slacker

a trip to the beach, park will serve the same purpose:

to avoid productive work.

Proper attire is also vital:

sweatpants, hoodies, whatever

one feels most comfortable in.

If you roll out of bed listless,

do not bother changing your sleepwear.

On the topic of one’s bed, be sure to keep the vitals close.

Food, drinks, and entertainment should be within arm’s reach.

It is preferable not to leave your bed unless it is necessary.

Also, become comfortable in a less than cleanly environment.

Discarded clothes and dirty dishes may pile up,

but it should not be a concern for those who are truly invested in slacking off.

Naturally, this sort of lifestyle can garner some judgmental glances,

thus one should always appear as if they are not lazing about.

Always look busy, lest you be caught faffing about or dawdling,

in which case you may find yourself

laden with unwanted chores.

Also, be prepared with a decent excuse.

By this, I mean something half-way believable.

If you hear your mother coming to check on you,

set yourself up like you are doing homework until she leaves.

As for homework, because it must be done, work smarter not harder.

If there is a short-cut, take it.

Finally, while I am a firm proponent

of “the easy way out,” I warn you, do not push it.

If something must be done then do it,

else you face the consequences.