Great Attributes
~Eliza Alderman
“We must add great attributes to our life to build a great life.”
So I did, I do.
The profound rack of medals that click and cling with great sounds of roaring crowds and non-stop work filled with grit.
Proof I am great at what I do.
The magnificent friends who surround me, who hold me tightly, who fill the long nights echoing with laughter and tears.
Proof I am loved.
The hundreds of comments filled with compliments on each colorful platform shrieking with sounds of excitement to hear back from me.
Proof I am beautiful.
The gorgeous house where as I walk the sand follows me paired with the contradicting harsh yet soul touching lake waves flow.
Proof I am lucky.
The great travel and world I have experienced. The late night walks on thousand year old stone in Rome paired with swimming beneath the bright beautiful pink and yellow houses ringing with harsh Italian on the Amalfi coast.
Proof I am truly living.
The distinguished numbers shining back at me and the margins filled with comments on how well I perform in the classroom.
Proof I am smart.
I do add great attributes to my life, so why is it then I still feel this void in my chest?
Is this life mine or something I've been told to want?
Are these really my great attributes: I am, I am, I am, am what?
I am lost, I am stuck in my head, I am trying yet I fall short.
So tell me now: how must I rid this void?
This version, picture or idea in my head and in my chest of never being good enough.
No matter how many great attributes I have- there seems to be no solution, because I know now I cannot run away from my own mind no matter how busy I am with my great attributes.
That will not stop me though.
I'll have this void- maybe forever, but it will be quieter, it will be less damaging, it will be more peaceful.
Maybe the key is not adding more attributes, it's being content with the ones you've got, being okay with who you are.
My next great attribute will end with such:
I am myself and I am okay with who I am.
I need no medal, no grade, no person nor anything to prove my great attributes.
